An easy how to for imposters in pursuit of authenticity (yes, I’m a fraud)

Hello. My name is Viv and I’m a fraud.


I’ve been procrastinating. Again. Although I did write about my quit smoking efforts on September 6, I haven’t published a truly straight-from-the heart blog post since August 24. In other words, it’s been three weeks –  THREE WEEKS – since I last wore my heart on my virtual sleeve. Why? Because I’ve been suffering from a serious case of imposter syndrome.

Sure, I talk like a blogger, write like a blogger, and post like a blogger, but am I really a blogger? That’s the kind of crap that’s been running around my head lately. If I were a real blogger, I tell myself, I’d be on the front page of Google every time, or for sure the second. I’d have hundreds of subscribers, my posts would be going viral, and my blogging income would at least be covering my hosting fees and domain, but it isn’t. Clearly I’m a fraud.

It’s powerful stuff, this imposter syndrome.

I remember the first time I felt like a fraud. I was in my early teens. Every summer, my older brother and I would leave our humble family home in England to spend a few weeks with our grandparents in Canada. While we weren’t particularly wealthy, we certainly weren’t poor. Still, our grandparents were wealthier than us, and many of our other Canadian family members were, frankly speaking, rich. I was in awe of their big houses and Cadillacs, the multiple bathrooms in their homes, the elaborate parties they threw, the generous gifts they gave us and the bottomless bowl of cherries in my great Aunt Clara’s living room. I lapped up their affection. I felt lucky and loved. But I never truly felt like I belonged. Perhaps that’s where it all began.

My memory bank is full of experiences like this. For example, about 10 years ago I went to a private spa with a girlfriend just outside London. She had a membership and was dying to treat me to a special day out. Sounds pretty nice, doesn’t it? Let me tell you, it wasn’t! I found myself so overwhelmed by the eager-to-please-me staff, the endless supply of plush white towels, the complimentary toiletries and my friend’s incredible ease with all of the above that I actually told her I needed to leave. I just couldn’t handle it.

And years later, when I was on a second-ish date at Soho House in Manhattan with my now husband, I broke down in tears because I felt like an utter phony. A little context in case you need it: Soho House is an exclusive members-only club. If you’re a Sex in the City fan, you may recall Samantha Jones being thrown out to her great humiliation. There I am, eating breakfast while Max tucks into his scrambled eggs and toast (hardly intimidating) and I start bawling my eyes out. The pressure was just too much. I was convinced I was going to get busted.

Most of us feel our cover’s going to get blown at some time or another.

That’s the reason imposter syndrome is actually a thing! In the boardroom, at a dinner party, in a mom and baby group – we’re all faking it to some degree. Some of us are just better at faking the faking than others. I’m definitely not one of them.

Before I married Max, I was the proud owner of a Toyota Matrix. I loved that car. Compared to the Chevy Cavalier I’d been driving for 10 years prior, it was luxury. I remember my daughter saying, “wow, Mommy, it’s like a truck!” But Max was having none of it. My guy’s a bit of a divo (that’s boy for diva) and he loves a good badge, so when he came into our lives, we traded up to a Lexus. Man, did I feel like a fraud when I started driving that car.

I wear Birkenstocks, for heaven’s sake. I’m not a Lexus kinda gal … but then who is? Six years later, I’m still driving a Lexus, and you know what I’ve finally realized? It’s all bullshit! Seriously. I’m as much of a Lexus driver as anyone else driving a Lexus. Not because of who I am or who I’m not, but because I’m literally driving the damn thing!

As the saying goes, if it walks like a duck, it is a duck. And so it follows, if it drives a Lexus, it’s a Lexus driver. If it goes to a fancy spa, it’s a fancy spa goer. And if it writes a blog, it’s a bloody blogger, no matter how many page views it gets. Now, about that how to I promised you. You’re convinced you’re an imposter. I’m here to tell you you’re not!

Next time you catch yourself thinking, “I’m a fraud,” STOP.

You are NOT a fraud. You just feel like one, and that’s a very different thing. So stop comparing yourself to others. Picture everyone around you naked. And remember, even the famous feel insecure. Celebrated author and poet Maya Angelou once said:

‘I have written eleven books, but each time I think, “Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.”‘

When is enough actually going to be enough to convince you that you’re the real thing? You heard Maya. She’s written 11 books and still feels like a phony. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how much fame you acquire, how much money you earn, how many awards you win or how many Facebook followers you have. You will never have enough to convince yourself you’re worthy. Just keep being your beautiful, perfect authentic self and trust that you are enough.

Are you with me?

By | 2017-09-15T11:08:04+00:00 September 14th, 2017|11 Comments

11 Comments

  1. Cathy September 15, 2017 at 8:36 pm - Reply

    You have just put into words what I feel every day! I remember the first time someone said, “You’re a writer?!” and I said, “yes” and then waited for some booming proclamation that I was no such thing! But I am and so are you 🙂 damn good ones too! Thanks again for saying what I feel and letting me know I’m not alone 🙂

    • THE WORDY MOM September 15, 2017 at 8:59 pm - Reply

      Yes we are! I’m so glad I found you, Cathy!

  2. Sophie September 15, 2017 at 9:03 pm - Reply

    I think we’re all faking it a lot of the time but some people are a lot more comfortable and polished at doing it than the rest of us! 🙂

    • THE WORDY MOM September 16, 2017 at 7:32 am - Reply

      100% agree with you, Sophie. Like I said in my post, I’m not very polished!

  3. Diana September 16, 2017 at 12:27 am - Reply

    Love it! I have these imposter syndrome moments about life in general even. I go to the grocery store and feel like everyone else there knows what they’re doing and suddenly I feel like a kid pretending to be a grownup and like everyone there must see that I don’t belong. I struggled a lot (still do) with being a stay at home mom, I feel like a fraud as a housewife because I don’t feel like I’m good at it. Though the more I open up about this the more I find out that almost everyone else out there experiences these moments too. None of us feel like we know what we’re doing and yet we do it nonetheless and do it well.

    • THE WORDY MOM September 16, 2017 at 7:32 am - Reply

      Diana, as I was writing that post I came across tons of articles citing celebrity upon celebrity having similar feelings, proving that even the most ‘seemingly capable’ people are not immune. In one article I’m sure I read that 70% of people feel this way. (There was no source so I couldn’t reference it, but it suggests we’re definitely not alone.)

  4. norma September 16, 2017 at 2:52 pm - Reply

    Great read Viv! And yes count me in… A fraudster. Yikes. Maybe it’s about getting out from under that umbrella often enough, to clearly see the sky… I also love metaphors.
    xn

    • THE WORDY MOM September 16, 2017 at 3:51 pm - Reply

      Norma, let me just say if you’re a fraudster, you’re a damn good one. I’ve never noticed. Thanks for stopping by. Please come again! x

  5. zahra September 18, 2017 at 6:28 am - Reply

    This is very helpful for people who might be suffering from this imposter syndrome. And I loved your honesty and candid tone in this one.

    • THE WORDY MOM September 18, 2017 at 6:48 am - Reply

      Thank you Zahra. While this blog is a great personal outlet for me, I do always hope that somehow I make some other imperfect person feel a bit better about themselves knowing they’re not alone.

  6. Hippie in Lippy September 21, 2017 at 2:58 am - Reply

    This is why I now blog anonymously. I can enjoy it without being judged.
    Interesting read xx

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